Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Tonight’s Overnight Comedy Moment: Walk Like An Egyptian

 

 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Keith Olbermann Takes On Another NFL Toad And So Do I


The NFL may be big business and big entertainment here in Uhmer’ca, but its getting to the point where every story I read in regards to the National Fucked Up Felony League, makes me want to vomit into the nearest souvenir helmet.  

The NFL sucks, the team ownership sucks, many of the players defending Adrian Peterson suck.  But most of all, the idiotic brain damaged fans who try to make excuses for child abuse so they can watch their favorite player run around in a damn stadium on a field made of grass that is as phony as the guy they’re cheering makes me sickest of all.

Let’s not be coy.  Let’s not pretend.  Just because Petersen says it was a spanking, does not mean it wasn’t child abuse or that the child deserved it.  That’s bullshit.  It’s a four year old kid and you bloodied him. 

And you don’t see it as child abuse?  And you did it once before but that time it was okay because no charges were filed.  Do you know how many overlooked abuse cases there are in this country where the second time around a kid dies because no charges were filed?

Bullshit.  And these pretend games of “I’m sorry” just don’t cut it with me and shouldn’t cut it with anybody, including fans in Minnesota.  But that’s the way we do things in Uhmer’ca.  Winning the game is more important than making a horse’s ass like Peterson pay for both the physical and psychological abuse inflicted on a four year old kid.

Four year old kid, Peterson?  And what did the blood and flesh you extracted from him teach?

And yes, Psychological abuse.  What?  Do you think you’re making a man out your kid by pummeling him?  Yeah, that’ll teach him. 

The only thing you’ll do is turn him into another child abuser like yourself, or a wife beater like your friend who used to play for the Ravens, Ray Rice.  Quite an accomplishment there, Mr. Peterson.You two criminals should be keeping each other company.  Instead, when you take the field on Sunday, if you take the field on Sunday, you’ll probably get a standing ovation from all those Viking fans who are absolutely positive you’re getting a bum deal because in Uhmer’ca, that’s what we do and football is king and to hell with some four year old who doesn’t know how to behave.

And Keith Olbermann once again calls you out along with your idiotic team and the NFL on their continual excuse making bullshit. Like me, he’s having none of it.  There are two videos and you must watch both to get the complete commentary.

PART ONE


PART TWO

Overnight Comedy Moment: Batter Up, At Least I Have A Job, & Puppet Man

 

Monday, September 15, 2014

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part One Trailer


I’m sure no one will put this up will they?  Here it is anyway.

Overnight Comedy Moment: The Sore Winner

Bonus Jokes
(Because I missed a day)


Saturday, September 13, 2014

Still Real After All These Years: The Real McCoys

 

I found out today that the final two seasons of The Real McCoys went on sale in August.  I also found out that they are sold out already.  Why did I just now find out about this Amazon, when you have a record of me buying the other four seasons?  Isn’t your “recommendations” supposed to be the best system on the internet?

So I just checked again, and they now say available in 5 to 11 days.  I guess that’s narrowing it down, right Mr. McFeely’s Speedy Delivery?

Season Six would be a curiosity piece at best since that was the year they killed off Kate and shipped the kids out, thus totally wrecking the show.  Even in the sixties TV Executives were a bunch of know-it-all dumbasses.  Decades later, and nothing has changed.  But I still want it, because I always like to complete a set of my Classic Series when possible. 

If you are unfamiliar with the series, as I’m sure many of you are Read On.

From Wikipedia, my favorite source of infallible information:

The Real McCoys revolves around the lives of a mountain family who originally hailed from fictional Smokey Corners, West Virginia. The McCoys moved to California and became dirt farmers.

The family consisted of Grandpa Amos McCoy (Walter Brennan); his grandson Luke (Richard Crenna), Luke's new bride Kate (Kathy Nolan), Luke's teenage sister Hassie (Lydia Reed), and his 11-year-old brother, Little Luke (Michael Winkelman).



The double-naming of the brothers was explained in the first episode by the elder Luke: Because their parents were so excited over the birth of the younger boy, "they forgot all about me!" Only Crenna was in every episode.



The McCoys' farm had previously been owned by an uncle, Ben McCoy, who died. The former West Virginians joined the Grange farm association and acquired a Mexican farm hand named Pepino Garcia, played by the Puerto Rican-born Tony Martinez.

In the episode which aired on January 8, 1962, Pepino becomes an American citizen and takes the surname name "McCoy".

The McMichaels, a brother and sister combination played by Andy Clyde and Madge Blake in twenty-nine and twenty-one episodes, respectively, lived on the hill not far from the McCoys. Amos McCoy and George MacMichael, both rather devious individuals, would sometimes quarrel, particularly over their games of checkers.



Kate was friendly with Flora McMichael, George's sister, and became involved with life in the community. Though still in her twenties, Kate served as a mother figure for Luke's younger siblings, Hassie and Little Luke, and one episode shows her bewilderment in trying to entice the children to take responsibility for their school studies.

Many episodes have a moral theme consistent with the conservative views of Walter Brennan, such as two 1957 segments entitled "You Can't Cheat an Honest Man" with Joseph Kearns, later of Dennis the Menace, and "Gambling Is a Sin," in which Amos allows a casino to advertise on McCoy property before the ethics of the matter is brought to his attention.

Other such episodes are "Go Fight City Hall", "The Taxman Cometh," "You Can't Always Be a Hero", "You Never Get Too Old," "Where There's a Will", "Beware a Smart Woman", "Money in the Bank", "How to Win Friends," "You're As Young As You Feel", "Honesty Is the Best Policy", and "Never a Lender Be".

I must have them.  So hopefully they’ll still be around come next pay day.  Season Two, after having been out of print for a while is now available with the same waiting period.  Season One is still showing “not available.”  But I suspect they may finally reissue it because the price gougers who were charging over $100 and they are nowhere to be found.

I highly recommend the series because after watching the first four seasons, I found them to be much more entertaining then I remember from back when I was five or six or eight or whatever it was.  Meaning, I didn’t really remember a damn thing about them except for the “divining rod” episode which is mentioned in the Wikipedia article.

And if nothing else, it is my honest opinion that Kate McCoy (Kathleen Nolan) was the hottest farm wife to ever grace your TV screen and that’s reason enough to own this set.  I’m sure you’ll agree.



Of the original cast, only Kathy Nolan and Lydia Reed survive.  Brennan died in 1974 at the age of 80, Crenna passed away in 2003 at age 76, and Tony Martinez in 2002 in Las Vegas at age 82.  Michael Winkelman, who also served in Veitenam, would die at the age of 53 in Riverside, California.

Anyway, if you’re familiar or curious, you might invest in at least a season or two because don’t count on them coming back if they disappear this time.  I’ve been waiting about five years or so for these final seasons so that should give you a clue.  And you won’t be shortchanged.  Although the price may seem steep, remember there were 30 episodes or more in a season in those days.  Plenty of entertainment in that deal.  Use the picture of the DVD set at the top of the page for a link.

Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid? Dead Men Walking? Weekend at Clementes? D.O.A.?



So, you’re a grave digger.  Your assignment:  Dig up the grave of a one of your patrons so it can be extended so that the deceased man’s recently departed wife can be tossed in there to keep the guy company whether he wants her there or not.  For all we know, she may have been an old nag who sent him to an early grave.

So an uncle and a niece show up, you dig the old guy up, and they decide that since they are having this family reunion anyway, why not make it the photo-op of a lifetime?  Not all of us have that opportunity, so I say, go for it.

From The New York Daily News expressing their own faux outrage:

A Spanish gravedigger has been suspended after a creepy picture of him posing with an exhumed corpse went viral.

The cemetery worker reportedly dug up the body of a man who'd died 23 years ago so his recently deceased wife could be added to the family tomb. But when he opened the crypt he discovered that the man's body had become mummified and was still practically intact.

Rather than break up the body so another corpse could fit into the same space straight away, he decided to contact members of the deceased man's family.

His nephew and niece arrived — and the woman took a photograph of her dead relative standing next to the digger and her living relation.

The niece is then believed to have sent the snap to another family member via messaging service WhatsApp. It then quickly spread and was posted on several different social media sites, reports The Local.

What do I think?  I think it’s perfectly genuine and those who are expressing outrage should just take it elsewhere.  I mean, can one really be horrified over an actual dead corpse after watching live walking zombies on The Walking Dead for the past four years? 

If it was any old Tom, Dick, or Harry, off the street you might have a point.  But since it was the relatives, why not have your Kodak moment even though the once largest maker of film and cameras is deader than your departed uncle.  It’s almost poetic.  And share your joy with the world, on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or in this case, What’s App?  You now have a Christmas Card insert for all of eternity.

You’ve also made your uncle more famous than he ever was or hoped to be when he had a heartbeat, so why not let him hang around for a while and enjoy all the cool gadgets we didn’t have when he keeled over two decades ago? 

I mean, sit him on the couch and let him watch that 70 inch flat screen while you play your blu-ray copy of Weekend At Bernie’s you have in your library and he’ll feel right at home.  Not only that, when you do watch The Walking Dead, you’ll have your own movie prop right there with you.

And hey, maybe you can get him booked on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon?  He’d be the perfect guest considering how dead that show has been since Fallon took over.

As for myself, if twenty-three years after I’m gone, some relative wants to dig me up and post my picture on a billboard or whatever, that’s fine with me.  If they are still having that family reunion thingy back there every summer, you can take me along and we’ll have a meet and greet.  Let’s Party.