American Idol in Concert: Why in the hell are you even going?

I wonder how many of you are going to the American Idol concert this year. Is it on your list of must things to do? If it is, can I interview you because the most important question I would ask is why are you going to waste that much time and money to go see this crowd of instant has beens? I think they achieved has been status before the last Ford commercial aired during the finals.

I know some of you might say you’re going just to see Sanjaya. Well, I like Sanjayjay as well as the next person but I wouldn’t pay $50 to $80 bucks (not to mention refreshments and parking) to see him sing two songs, three at the most and then watch him be treated as some necessary evil the rest of the show. The same reasoning holds true if you are going to see one of the others that may have been your favorite. If you are spending that much cash to go see this show, I would suggest you may be in danger of becoming an ultimate Idol sheep.

So if you are an ultimate idol sheep and feel desperate to throw some more money into those huge pockets of Freemantle Media and producer Simon Fuller, then chances are you aren’t going to have problems getting a ticket. You probably won’t even have to bid on them at Ebay for most venues.

I checked many of the venues last week and a few this weekend to see how sales were going. Excluding fairs (The price of a ticket also gets you into most of those venues. You know, ride the tilt-a-whirl, see the Idol concert and then throw up) and a few other notable exceptions, tickets for this snore fest are hardly at a premium unless you have to absolutely positively sit in a floor seat. In that case it’s probably back to Ebay for you as a lot of the scalpers scooped those up quickly. But scalpers don't watch the show and probably figured it would be a tough ticket, just as it often was last year. I have a feeling some of them are going to take a beating on this one. Many of the venues have plenty of seats available in the first few rows of the next section above the floor which are often better than those over rated floor seats where you are going to end up sitting behind a six foot six basketball player who wants to stand and clap his hands through the whole concert.

It’s really strange though. If you go opening night in Sunrise Florida, you’ll have to settle for sitting in the upper tier. Well, it is opening night so everybody wants to be the first see the beginning of the ultimate in television manufactured type entertainment just so they can say they were first. And since I’ve never heard of Sunrise, Florida there might not be a whole lot that goes on there and maybe an Idol concert is a big event, regardless of the low caliber of entertainment involved. However, if you are a true fan bot and are willing to travel North and to the other side of the state, then you can go to the one in Tampa the very next night. Once there you can park your butt comfortably in Section 101 for right around 70 bucks. Ticketmaster Fees and parking are not included. So, we’re talking about eighty five bucks a seat and you get the thrill of watching a spotlight shine off of the top of Phil “Nosferatu” Stacy’s head, Haley jiggle her boobs and show her legs, and then have Chris Richardson put you to sleep. I am happy to see that the fans in Tampa are quite a bit more discerning with their entertainment dollar than the sheep in Sunrise. Good for Tampa.

Of course, there are places where one would expect some big crowds because they've heard about their hometown Idol Wookie twenty-four hours a day seven days a week since before the first show even aired way back in January. I would of course, be talking about the hypnotized Jordin-Bots of Glendale, Arizona. But even there you can still get in section 115 and if you are willing to go up one more level you can sit in the second row right next to the stage. Hmmm…with that many seats left maybe not everybody in Glendale has succumbed to Wookie over saturation after all or maybe they just had enough after watching her on the big screen at the Westgate Center for what must have seemed like an enternity. My apologies. (It always amazes me that these electronic ticketing devices consider 115 Row Y at the other end of the arena preferable to the first or second row in the next level up next to the stage. Just because it’s in a lower level does not make it a better seat)

Now if I were to go (and there’s no way in hell that I would) I'd head up to the Save Mart Center in Fresno and for my 80 bucks or so I could get in the very first row of section 123. I guess after the scalpers bought the floor seats there just hasn’t been enough takers to start filling the rest of the sections. That’s going to be one very lonely Idol Concert that night.

I will now destroy the myth that people in and around L.A. are more sophisticated than the citizens of Arkansas. If you want to go to the Idol concert in Anaheim, you have to sit way up in section 409 Row L. In other words, no man’s land. Honestly, what is wrong with you people out there? After a day at Disneyland you would rather spend what little money you have left to watch these clowns? Then again, it’s hard to tell one Mickey Mouse show from the other, isn’t it? So maybe you just got confused in your ticket ordering. Not only that, if you would have waited one more night then you could go to the Staples Center and slide all the way down to section 209 Row 2 or as Bob Barker might say, "Hey Idol Fan John Smith, Come On Down!"

Which brings me to Little Rock, Arkansas. I fully expected that the only tickets that would be left for the Idol concert in the AllTel Arena in Little Rock would be in the upper level Row 45. When one thinks of Little Rock they only think of two things. Bill Clinton and.....well make that one thing. But as I write this, Ticketmaster has two $68.25 tickets on the floor in row 38. There you go Arkansas! Prime tickets at retail value and not a scalper in sight. If nothing else, I guess we now know that at least the good citizens of Arkansas know what a stinker of a concert this is going to be as compared to what the Goofy and Dumbo residents and tourists of Anaheim believe.

I guess what this all means is that there are enough people out there willing to throw money away on just about anything as long as they can be duped into believing in the greatness of this pack of sad sack performers. If you are going though I will repeat my question: How does somebody get so desperate for entertainment that they’ll toss eighty bucks (probably twice that unless you are going alone) away to listen to a bunch of singers whose names you’ll be hard pressed to remember come January when the next Idol crapfest begins? I honestly think that the audience you’ll find at these concerts are the same ones that feel like they actually have to text message a few thousand votes for their favorite contestant. In other words, they have a couple of thousand screws loose in their thought processes.

What is encouraging though is that for the most part, there seem to be more people out there who are just like me and have concluded that when it looks like crap, sounds like crap, and performs like crap then it is crap. There’s going to be a lot of echoes and reverberation at a lot of these venues.

But honestly, for the exceptions to the rule like Columbus Ohio whose residents are filling the Schottenstein Center up for Pop Tarts present Crapfest 6, I know the Buckeyes aren’t playing football or basketball, the Blue Jackets are on hiatus, the Reds Suck, and the Indians are probably a tough ticket now that they are winning, but there’s always Cedar Point and Kings Island for entertainment. I mean, go mow your lawn or buy eighty dollars worth of instant Ohio Lottery Tickets. Even if you don’t win any money you’ll find that just scratching them off brought you more entertainment than having to sit through Wookie singing “This is My Now," something I hope I never have to listen to in my lifetime again even if by accident. It would certainly be a fate worst than death.