I knew it, I knew it! I knew this would happen! They left poor Anna Nicole wasting away in some refrigerator compartment far too long. So long in fact that her spirit finally got pissed off and decided to inhabit the body of my all time favorite Idol, Kellie Pickler.

Not only did the biggest boob of all return, but she returned with boobs that were bigger, stronger, and better. (Compare the photo at the left with last year's photo beneath it) I thought this would be the show that would help me get my mind out of the gutter but instead, I’m worse than ever. But we love Kellie. How could I not love her since she drew so many fine people to my little inconsequential blog last year? I love Antonella, but she will never replace that warm spot I have for Kellie. Put the two of them in a sing-off though and that’s going to be some mighty tough competition. However, if they both joined the Roller Derby, old Kellie would have the upper hand by knocking Antonella off the track with her brand new junk in the trunk. Yep that's the photo on the right.

And what was that about Spider-sushi? The Pickle tried to revive her old Vaudeville act and it didn't work because we're on to her now although I have to admit the fact that Ryan asked what she'd been doing with her money and it going over her head was a good one.

Looks like Sanjaya and Antonella get to hang around a while longer and boy am I glad of that. Can you imagine how boring this show is going to be after they leave since the rest of the contestants have personalities located somewhere between the turnips and squash located in the vegetable section of your supermarket?

And what about Jordo-roboto! Were you like me, hoping you might get to do a happy dance if the big gal got the boot this early! Oh what a wonderful world it would have been! But alas, she was just up there so that she might get some more sympathy votes for next week. Hey, don’t laugh. Robots can get sympathy. Weren’t you sad when R2D2 took a laser hit in Star Wars or when C3PO got disassembled in Empire? And speaking of disassembled, didn’t you cry when you thought Johnny Five in Short Circuit got blasted to pieces? Admit that you cried; you know you did. So certainly we can extend some sympathy to Jordo-roboto.

And what was up with Gina Glocksen? I haven’t seen a contestant carry on that way at someone’s departure since St. Jennifer of the Hudson got the boot three years ago. The only thing that I can think of is that with this cold snap we’ve been having out here in California, Gina and Leslie may have found a way to keep each other warm at night and fallen madly in love. You know how it is with parting being such sweet sorrow and all that.

But as broken up as Gina was, it paled in comparison to old Sundancing Headguy bawling like a baby nonstop. I’m not sure if they were tears of sorrow or joy, or maybe tears of happiness because he heard a rumor that Vote for the Worst might switch from him to Sanjaya next week thus raising his self esteem. Or maybe he watched Paris soaking up the stage last year and figured if it’s good enough for her, it’s good enough for me. They ought to get together and do a duet of Crying Time Again. I even made this video in honor of Sundancing on my Head.




Oh yeah, and Jordo-robot cried again but wiped quickly at her eyes before the camera would let us all discover that her fingers and her face were as dry as the Mojave. Believe me, if her fingers are wet it isn’t from any tears.

And if all that wasn't enough, Alaina couldn't sing her fond farewell and Leslie stuck it to America by telling us we don't like jazz! Well, hell no Leslie, not unless you sing it in a fountain in a wet top. I mean this show was a laugh riot.

Okay, so we lost Nick, A.J., Leslie and Alaina. Why did they lose. Well, A.J. is easy. He was never built up or hardly mentioned until just before the round of 24 started. By then everybody who’s anybody already has their fan clubs going and voting and that’s just too late to do anything about it. But A.J. was a better singer than three or four of the guys left at least. Then again, Ayla Brown was better than several of the girl singers last year and she never made it to the final twelve either so he's in good company. And speaking of Ayla, you have figured out that it was her voice I implanted over Jordo-Roboto in the video yesterday haven't you?

I also hated to see Leslie go. She didn’t have the big powerful Gospel voice that you are all going to be sick of by the time May gets here, but she was different, had a good personality, and probably would have been a lot of fun to have around. But if you are to believe Dial Idol, Lakisha and Melinda Doolittle are getting the great majority of the votes, so much so that all the other votes are being spread very thinly among all the other candidates. This is what happens when two contestants are praised and praised and praised endlessly by the judges and none of the other contestants have any kind of a spark personality wise to pull even. And whether the two of them deserve it or not doesn’t matter. Knowing they are going to be safe every week will make for some very boring week. It means that all the other female contestants are simply here to be eliminated and the only question left is in what order they will be leaving. As for the boys, two of them may make the top six, aided simply by the fact that sooner or later, Melinda, Lakisha, Jordin, and Sabrina will be splitting vote totals. So there is a chance one of the guys will make it as far as the final three and I would say Chris Sligh has the best shot of any of them.

As for Nick and Alaina, Alaina couldn’t sing and Nick never stood out even with all the air time he was given. Things being what they should have been, Sanjaya and Brandon should have been the ones going home. And you can tell me all you want that Antonella should have gone, but she was no worse than Gena who screamed out her song, and Haley who is totally forgettable as
Publishar as I’m concerned, probably survived in a numbers game and will probably be gone next week.

But what the heck. If the elimination show is half as good as it was this week we'll all have a real great time. Remember to vote often next week for Antonella, and I guarantee you the fun will have just begun.

Stay Tuned. See you next week.

Okay, so it’s not Elton John but it’s the best I could do on the spur of the moment. Anyway, did you like your evening with the Olde Tyme Spiritual Gospel Hour? With all these big voiced female singers it sure seems that way although the rumor that Idol is moving to the Trinity Broadcast Network is not true. And just as last week according to the Judges and comments I read we can all just hang it up until the final three or four anyway because the show is just going through the pretense of competition this year. Well, they do that most years but not quite this obvious this early in the competition.

And how did my girl Tony do? Would she have a nervous breakdown after that was the week that was? Did she sink or go fountain swimming? Was this the week that Jordin would reveal her true Lisa Tucker robotic self? Could also-rans such as Haley, Alaina and Leslie make a sudden name for themselves? Let’s find out the answers that you only think you know but I do know.

You’re not going to get an argument from me as to whether or not there are some talented singers on Idol this year. There are, although whether or not there are any male voices who can make it to the top six remains to be seen. The problem is that they are all the same type of good voices singing the same type of songs and there is about as much variety to choose from as Laura Ingalls Wilder of Little House had clothes in her shanty closet. I mean I like cereal but I sure as hell don’t want Lucky Charms every morning.

Let’s Go back to last year and take a look at who made it to the final six. We had The Pickle, Paris Bennett, Elliott Yamin, Kat McPhee, Taylor Hicks, and Chris Daughtry. You can’t have a better mix of voices AND style then that and I don’t know about you but I’m spoiled. So unless you’re one of the true Idol deadheads (and there are plenty of you to go around judging by some of the message boards) that think this show farts nothing but rainbows, you’re probably already bored.

The only thing I was interested in tonight was seeing what would happen with Antonella. And what happened is that idol did their best to set her up for an early exit. In other words, I honestly wouldn’t put it past them to fix the vote to hasten her departure because I don’t see her getting voted off this week legitimately, despite the fact that she joined a few others with a so-so performance and then dared to mouth off to St. Simon of the Cowell.

Just like last night, it was dedication night and some of the girls managed to work up a few tears for us just like the guys did. I wasn’t buying any of it.

Starting off this tear and beer fest was Gina Glocksen doing her Carrie Underwood impression of Alone. There’s an old American Idol rule that I just made up which states that you don’t ever come out and sing a song which another contestant sang so memorably, or sing a song that probably launched said contestant into the winners circle. You will forever and always be in the shadow of that winner and you aren’t doing yourself any favors at all. But that isn’t Gina’s only mistake. I would suggest that Gina lose the red streak in her hair. You’re giving off Nikki McKibbon type vibes and those kind of memories are bad for most people who felt Nikki overstayed her welcome by about thirty other contestants. It’s the McKibbon curse which also did in one of the best contestants from Season 3, Amy Adams, in the early going.

Alaina Alexander makes an even bigger faux pas. She dares to sing a Dixie Chicks protest type song on the network owned by the same old fart (Rupert Murdoch) who also owns the Fox Noise Channel which is the propaganda arm of the Repugnican Party. You just don’t do that on a show where a good portion of the viewing audience are down in South Carolina now thumping their Bibles in total horror because the Dixie Chicks won some Grammy Awards. I honestly thought Jordin Sparks mommy was going to have a heart attack when she heard Alaina singing Not Ready to Make Nice. The judges pretended to slam her for her singing but I know they are reading that memo from Murdoch.

Ryan Secrest tells Lakisha that she’s daring to show some leg. I say it’s more like a side of beef but who am I to argue? Hey, I got nothing against heavy people as I’m no lightweight but most of the ones I know have the sense not to wear a mini skirt around town let alone on National TV. I thought we were going to get a break this week when Lakisha dedicates the song to her grandmother instead of the brat but no such luck. They cut to a shot of Lakisha planting a big wet kiss on her grandmother while she’s carrying said brat which she quickly throws to the floor once the segment is over. As for Midnight Train to Georgia, it didn’t interest me. That particular train has made this trip too many times on this show and now it bores me no matter who is singing it.

The more I see of Dr. Doolittle the more I’m convinced the whole shy bit was one helluva good acting job and that we have all been had. She tells us she’s dedicating this song to her two best friends who also happen to be a hair stylist and a vocal coach. I’m sorry, but I can’t buy the “I was a Dr. Doolittle Wallflower act” any longer. But she sang it just fine and as any deadhead will tell you that’s all that’s suppose to matter on this show. But My Funny Valentine always puts me to sleep no matter who sings it, not to mention that it brings back nightmares of Constantine Maroulis.

Okay, so now we find out that My Girl Tony is going to be preceded by possibly the two best singers, Lakisha and Dr. Doo, then followed by everybody else’s favorite Bible thumper, Jordin Roboto. And then you have her sing Celine Dion’s Because You Loved Me which is a song nobody can sing well except for Celine. Frankly, unless you’re one of the Idol deadhead sheep you can tune into the fact that Idol is going to do everything in their power to get poor Antonella off of their show. It doesn’t help that Tony gets a bit bitchy with Simon and tells him that he didn’t like Jennifer Hudson either so he doesn’t know everything. Simon tries his usual comeback that it’s the public who voted Jennifer “I won an Oscar” off the show and it had nothing to do with Simon comparing her to a wrapped turkey and then telling her she’d never be anything more than a third rate lounge singer. Sorry, Simon, but truth is truth whether you can admit it or not. So will Tony stay or will she go? It’s out of our hands folks, and if the ratings and vote totals jumped then I’m sure the producers will give her the thumbs up to hang around. Otherwise she’ll be marching to the guillotine. No, this one of the times your votes don’t enter into the equation which is why they run that disclaimer at the end of the show.

Jordin Roboto comes out to do Reflections and in such a way that she actually makes Tony seem a bit better than she was. She is clueless on the song, is purely mechanical, but manages some full of crock tears at the end to win the sympathy of the judges who take it way too easy on her just as they did St. Lisa of the Tucker. Both the song and the tears are quite lame though so at least they go together. However, I was able to go back and do some work on Roboto to help her out which I’ll explain as we close this thing out.

Stephanie Edwards comes on to do Dangerously in Love and although she sings well, the song bores me after her rousing performance last week. Leslie Hunt comes out, does I’m Feeling Good, and then feels bad when the judges slam her. It’s a shame really because I liked Leslie tonight. She sang on key, it wasn’t over the top, it was quite pleasant and it was different from all the rehashed songs we had heard before her. Haley Scarnato comes out to sing Queen of the Night, and Simon drives her to tears. I think these are real though because Haley has to be seeing the writing on the wall at this stage since Simon has written it on there in red spray paint in big block letters.

Sabrina Sloan, who has been my favorite so far, sings All the Man That I Need. I know I am Sabrina, but you’ll have to share me with My Girl Tony. Frankly, I’d give the winner’s trophy to Sabrina right now because I honestly feel she is the only contender who can sing any type of music in just about any style possible and be entertaining doing it. I do feel sorry for her though because the closer she gets to contending, the quicker the hateful little deadheads will come out with the big nose jokes.

Last week I told you that I would tell you the lie of omission that Jordin used to her advantage. A week ago she started out her little story by saying I’m a senior (or was it junior?) in High School. She obviously did this to once again give everybody in the world she’s just your average teen age school girl going to your average school, going to the average basketball games, and maybe trying out for the average cheerleading squad. The only problem is that Jordin hasn’t seen the inside of a school in at least a year, possibly longer. The story goes that her mother pulled her out so she could work on her career, but I suspect it was for other reasons. Not that there’s anything wrong with home schooling but don’t try to pretend you’re something you are not. You aren’t an average high school kid, and hell you’re not really even in a high school at all. But to make up for it, I did manage to open up the roboto and do some work on her voice chips. You may now sing Reflections again, Jordo, new and improved. Jordin, it's not how loud you sing, it's understanding and feeling the song. I’ll catch all of you for the results.

Did you ever stop to think that being on Idol is a lot like being on a golf course? There’s no doubt that last week the guys took a quadruple bogey after somehow striking their golf balls into the rough and behind a group of trees where they couldn’t see the fairway, let alone the green. This week, you could say a few of them have managed to at least to make it into the sand trap where they can just barely make out the edge of the fairway if they are tall enough to see past that ten foot slope they have to drive their ball over to get out of the trap,. Unfortunately there were also a couple of wannabes who never will be that managed to slice their ball across a nearby highway and into the Okefenokee Swamp. In other words, they’re completely lost, hopeless and won’t live to see the weekend.

Still, one of our down on his luck idols may be saved by the all the tweeny teenies who probably think his hair is gorgeous regardless of what kind of musical or non musical notes comes squeaking out from his golden tonsils or what kind of a weird hat he may have been wearing. As for his partner in crime who got lost with him, I’m afraid there’s only one tweenage idol allowed on this shindig so this could be time for him to saddle up while we sing him a song of Happy Trails to You.

And what was up with all the shots of Jeff Shmuckface. Okay, we get it. He has a new game show. But did they have to keep showing a full shot of his face over and over again? Man, he looked as uncomfortable as hell.

But I vowed to be a bit nicer this week, so I’ll give it the old Idol try. First, let me thank the thousand or so of you who stopped by yesterday to read my words of wit and wisdom before taking some time out to ogle Antonella’ s boobs and other healthy body parts in the video I posted as your reward. Okay, you can quit laughing. I know you’re all just a bunch of boob watchers and I don’t mean the kind of boob who is writing this paragraph. Still I find it kind of amusing that those two videos are going strong with over 40,000 hits on youtube while poor old Keith Olbermann got the boot for “inappropriate content.” Enough about me, boobs and Antonella though. What about the show?


It was “be kind to someone who matters week” as all the Idols went out to dedicate their chosen song to someone special and to sing it from the heart while giving the rest of us heartburn. Some dedicated their songs to grand-ma-ma and some dedicated their songs to grand-pa-pa. Some dedicated their song to their hot smoking girlfriends, while others dedicated them to their not so hot smoking wives. What contestants like Brandon and Sanjaya forgot is that you’re only supposed to dedicate the song to them, you aren’t actually suppose to come out and try to sing like them.

I mean Sanjaya was just scary tonight wasn’t he? What was that all about? Was he trying to channel the ghosts of Irving Berlin and Michael Jackson both? Oh wait, Michael isn’t dead he only looks that way. I forget sometimes. Maybe he was auditioning for a remake of White Christmas. The only redeeming part of that strange performance was that somebody else dared to look even sillier in a hat. That would be Blake Lewis, but he actually sang at least halfway decent so he was able to get away with it being goofy hat night. And yeah, Blake even took a few seconds to do that beat boxing thing which sent Paula into a cataclysmic orgasm. Speaking of Paula, it seems like her meds she took last week may be wearing off so somebody better dope her back up for tomorrow night.

Nick Pedro had the Fever. But he made me think of Paris Bennett which made me think of Peggy Lee which made me think both of them should have left the song at home because neither of them actually understands the song.

And tonight we saw a bit of Chris Sligh’s better than average other half. Okay, this was the first time I either actually saw Chris’s wife, or maybe she’s been here before and I just wasn’t paying attention or maybe I just didn’t care or…..heck with it. I didn’t know what to expect actually. What kind of a gal marries a guy like Chris? Would it be the Betty Crocker type, or maybe it would be the Roseanne Barr type? Well, as it turns out she may not have been exactly red hot smokin’ type but you know the old saying about bed and crackers and I sure wouldn’t give her the boot. But I bet she keeps that guy on the straight and narrow and rules him with an iron fist and a steel boot and sent him off to Idol Land with the instructions to win or else. Oh yeah, I liked Chris’s singing tonight too.

Jared Cotter tried to channel Marvin Gaye but misdialed and got Eddie Murphy by mistake which was bad because Eddie’s still sore about losing the Oscar other night. Simon thought it was Love Boatish, Jared said it was a a good Love Boatish, and I’m looking around for Lauren Tewes because I always had a crush on her plus I heard she had some good drugs back then. Oh, if you don’t know who Lauren Tewes was quit being so lazy and Google it. You do know there was a world before 1990 don’t you or do I have to do everything?

Phil Stacy dedicated his song I Ain’t Missing You to his Navy unit, who promptly gave their reply by launching a torpedo in his direction. A. J. Tabaldo was as bland as milquetoast and completely forgettable. Unfortunately, Brandon Rogers is probably wishing he was forgettable but his rendition of Time After Time only made me wish Cyndi Lauper would appear and put a headlock on him. Brandon kept telling us it was a sincere song from his heart and Simon basically told him to forget the sincerity, put a stake in the old ticker, and learn how to sing. I say, if that’s what you call a song from the heart, than Brandon needs to make a quick trip to Oz with Dorothy and Toto to get a new one.

Oh yeah Nick and Sundance. Nick was forgettable so Happy Trails to him. Sundance cried and then he was pimped. So Sundance gets the award for carrying off the most scripted moment of the night.

As for me, I’ll skip the trip to Oz and head on off to lala land with my girlfriend June Cleaver. Catch you later.

Some people have mentioned the fact that because Antonella posed for some pictures at the World War II memorial, she should now be added to the list of degenerate known terroists list in the U.S.

Uh...not so fast. I guess wading around in the fountain and letting your kids wade around in it is quite common on a hot summer day. Hope those kiddies didn't let lose with a pee-pee.

So we know the X-rated pictures were fake, we know tourists wade in the fountain all the time. What else have you got?

This is supposedly the woman who impersonated Antonella Barba in the X-Rated Pictures. Or at least that's what I'm told.

This story ran in The New Jersey Star-Ledger. Go to their web site for the full article. Here are some highlights.

By now you should know who the winners and losers are so there’s no need for me to list them here. If you’re interested there’s a complete list at the IMDB for you to see. I have to say there were very few surprises and none in the major categories.

I was glad to see An Inconvenient Truth win best documentary although I really liked Jesus Camp just as well. My other favorite documentary, Shut up and Sing wasn’t nominated. But Truth was a shoe in to win.

I was also glad to see Martin Scorcese win Best Director although The Departed is not the film he should have won for. He should have won for either Raging Bull, Goodfellas or Taxi Driver. Anyway, despite all the previous losses he too had to have been a shoe in this year as they weren’t going to give it to Eastwood again. Everybody else was just along for the ride.

Jennifer Hudson won as expected for Best Supporting Actress. How good is she? I couldn’t tell you because I have this brother see, and this brother dragged me to see A Night at the Museum instead of Dream Girls. How much does Jennifer owe American Idol? In my opinion, not a damn thing because after her loss they pretty much abandoned her as they do most of the also rans. The fact that The Pickle has done so well out of that sixth spot can be attributed more to her business savvy than anything else. Yeah, she had everyone fooled and the dumb act was marketing genius.

I had Alan Arkin as my pick for Best Supporting actor so I was right there. I liked Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Pravda but I didn’t see any of the other contenders. Forrest Whitaker won for a film called The Last King of Scotland that practically nobody has seen, and that probably includes most of the people who voted for him. I mean the film has made nine million dollars to date. Yeah, I know, box office doesn’t necessarily equal quality but I’ll make a point about the whole thing momentarily if you keep your britches on.

Probably the biggest surprise, and only for those who sincerely study the situation was the fact that Pan’s Labryinth lost the Best Foreign Film award. It lost to the German film. Melissa Ethridge won for her song from An Inconvenient Truth but I suspected that as the three Dreamgirl songs canceled each other out.

Honestly though, the only way you could see any of these films and some of these performers was if the films were released on DVD unless you live in a big enough city with a theater that will run them. In my case that means a two hour drive to L.A. and you can forget that.

I suspect that the ratings for this year will be in the toilet as far as these things go. I didn’t see much to entice the average viewer at home to tune in except there wasn’t a whole lot on the other networks worth watching either. So I guess the average shmo sitting at home who doesn’t watch these films will once again be blamed for being low brow and having no taste in films despite the fact that the studios do practically nothing to promote these artsy fartsy films and the theater owners would probably lose their shirt showing them since most of the money goes back to the studios, hardly making them profitable in places like say Bakersfield.

And then there was the You Tube purge. There used to be a lot of clips from previous Academy Award telecasts floating around on you tube until someone got their Snobby Waddies in an uproar and started having them pulled. Most of the crap they had pulled was stuff that sure isn’t going to be seen in any other format, so 99 per cent of these clips are going to end up in some vault collecting dust anyway. If you want to draw an audience to your fancy shmantsy awards show, then don’t ditch the best marketing tool you’ve ever had to promote your self congratulatory back-patting snobby snotty fun fest. I mean what could be more inspiring then a clip of Christopher Reeve making an appearance less than a year after his paralyzing accident? It’s moments just like that and being able to replay those moments are what entices people want to watch her high-falootin hootenanny in the first place. So put that in your Oscar pipe and smoke it.

As for Ellen DeGeneres, she was okay and had a few good moments. But other than what I’ve mentioned, the only other good moment was the medley from Dreamgirls. The rest was basically a snooze fest.