Or maybe it is worse than that. There is always someone willing to turn their heads to look at a train wreck, but with the final twelve we’re stuck with this year, this show has officially gone into the toilet or just possibly may have jumped the shark. There is nobody left on this show even remotely entertaining enough to influence me to really want to watch. I mean, if one of the really bad contestants such as Haley or Sandwich were entertainingly bad the way Pickler was, or if either one was fun to write about as Pickler was from week to week, then at least that would be some kind of a reason to tune in. But alas, both Hayley and Sandwich are terrible and they are terribly boring along with it. At least Pickler and Kevin Covais were entertaining in their own way.

It’s not that either Sundancing on my head or Antonella were a great deal better than those two (well, they were a great deal better than Sanjaya but that’s not very difficult), but at least Sundancing was entertainingly bad, and at least Antonella had the controversy surrounding her. I find it incredibly ironic that despite all the bad publicity surrounding Tony, the final twelve ended up with two contestants who were worst vocally, with none of the charisma to match either contestant that was sent packing.

So how did Sanjaya stick around? We can blame undiscerning thirteen year old girls who always keep somebody like this around, but you can also blame the judges for putting him on the final twenty-four in the first place. One bad apple does the Idol bunch make is the way the saying goes. I know of at least one very popular web site that begged and pleaded with his readers to help keep Sanjaya on, because well, they really thought he deserved to stick around. Go figure. But make no mistake about it, as bad as Kevin Covais was last year, Sanjaya is ten times worse.

You can argue all day about whether Hayley or Antonella should have gone, but if we are talking about talent, then they both should have hit the door and Sabrina should still be around. Sabrina was never given much of a chance, but I thought she performed well beyond expectations despite little airtime before the real shows began. And she certainly was a breath of fresh air from the same old same old as far as I’m concerned and would have been something to look forward to each week instead of The Olde Tyme Gospel Hour we're going to get from here on out. Are Paul and Jan Crouch guest judging this year?

So what now? Do we tune in every week just to see when Sanjaya leaves or Hayley leaves? We really don’t need to tune in to find out the winner may be. One need to only look at the list of guests and themes this year to see where it is all going, starting with Diana Ross. Come top think of it, maybe the Idol producers made sure to get some big name talent to make up for the lack of talent and charisma in their crappy contestants this year.

As for Hayley, she received a lot of votes from many who were trying to help ensure Antonella’s departure so you can give her a ticket home next week. And frankly, I’m not really that interested in hanging around to count the weeks until the other loser, Sandwich, gets his walking papers, while at the same time we hear the same old refrain, “Why is he still here?” Great big yawn to that.

On a final note we do wish Antonella, Sabrina, Sundance, and Jared good luck. I honestly believe that this may have been one of the weeks that the producers took control of the vote, and tired of the controversy gave Tony her walking papers, not to mention that it’s an easyr way to make Frenchie Davis go away and to shut up Rosie O’Donnell, another person who couldn’t be bothered to get all the facts.. Too bad Tony was the only thing that had made this show remotely interesting this year whether you love her or despise her.

So will I write about the show or not? I have to do some soul searching. Frankly, I’m more and more disturbed by how serious people take the goings on of a reality show as if it is a life or death matter when there are so many other important things happening in the world. Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with being entertained with it, but it goes way beyond that for a lot of people who really need to find something more meaningful in their lives. The viciousness and hatred of those who wrap their cloak around a contestant as if their departure would mean the end of mankind ceases to be funny after a while and is just plain disturbing. But have no fear, the mindless sheep that make up the viewers out there in TV land will continue to tune in and call in, undaunted in their quest to make a difference in the world with their Idol votes, and the Idol ratings will continue to grow. So maybe I should write every week, and point out the stupidity of it all.

Okay, we get it. How could we not? We have been hammered over the head with it since week one and will continually be hammered over the head with it all the way to the finals. Melinda and Lakisha are good singers. They may even be great singers. How could we not know it as they probably needed a whole locker room full of towels to dry the saliva from the judges off of their bodies. But here’s the grabber: Who cares and so what?

I can hear singers just as good or greater any day of the week. All I have to do is put on any number of artists, be it Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston when she was sober, Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin, or if you want to go back that far, Judy Garland. In other words, no matter how good they are or no matter what comes out of their mouths, there is nothing new, nothing original, and the personality of both of these Idol appointed superstars bore me. Lakisha’s personality is non existent, and Melinda’s “I’m a just a sweet shy back-up singer” shtick is way old, and I’m not buying it anymore. Sorry Melinda, it was a great idea, but you are way too good, and way too polished on stage for me to believe one millisecond of it. So because you found it necessary to fall on a shtick that you didn’t have to because you and I both know that you have the talent making that unnecessary, I now find you to be a total bore.

And right now another question pops into mind. Are the two of them that good or is everybody else on this show just not very good making the two of them jsut look better than they are? Are they really any better than Fantasia, Carrie, Chris Daughtry, Elliot Yamin, Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Jennifer Hudson, Tamyra Grey, or even Latoya London?

I thought a lot of the criticism regarding some of the other contestants by the judges tonight was petty and goofy, but if Randy, Paula, Simon and the producers want to keep the snoozefest going who am I to argue with them? Still, Simon telling Sabrina she needed more personality than Melinda and Lakisha just had me shaking my head in disgust. Antonella wasn’t great, but she was okay and certainly better than the judges gave her credit for and she does have a point that not everybody is a belter of the Hallelujah Chorus. Frankly with the slamming she’s taken in the press and the media, I’m surprised that she even manages to get on the stage let alone try to sing. I know I couldn’t do anything under that kind of pressure. Compared to Haley though, Antonella was solid gold. Haley was easily the worse of the night but I felt sorry for her when Simon said he can’t even remember her name. I liked her response also which was basically, “clock in, clock out, and screw the judges.” Gina did the rock thing tonight but I would have liked to have seen her do the Pat Benatar thing instead of Jordo because it would have been interesting. Still, she was different in an entertaining way. Jordo-Roboto was a bit better for me tonight though, although somebody should tell her to forget trying to move and dance as she does it like she is stuck in blocks of cement. As for Stephanie Edwards, I think she is the complete package with looks, voice, and everything else. But her so so and less than enthusiastic treatment by the judges the last couple of weeks could spell trouble unless a wind can blow some of the judges saliva her way. In other words, Randy going on about Chaka just made him look look as if he was grasping at straws.

So what I’m saying is it’s nice to have a little variety from all of those who have been officially appointed as this year’s losers by Randy, Simon, and Paula and practically everybody else. And that’s about all I have to say until someone steps up or something happens to change what seems to be the obvious result coming in about eleven weeks. Maybe Sabrina or Stephanie can if the judges can get a little more enthusiastic towards them. The only question left is in what order all of the rest of the contestants will be voted off.

Will Lakisha and Melinda be the final two contestants? No, they won’t but one of them, probably Melinda, will be. What is going to happen is that in a few weeks the audience is going to get bored with the overdone pimp jobs and either begin to tune out or cast their votes elsewhere, leaving one of them in the lurch. Ryan will come on again, tell everybody that they have to phone in for their favorites and then all those who fall for this snow job every year will once again start dialing frantically. My guess is that by the time we get to six contestants, look for one of the two to go unless they do something really idiotic or suddenly go completely in the crapper.

I’ll be back tonight to talk about the results although the only real shocker would be if Melinda or Lakisha get the axe and that isn’t going to happen. Everybody else is to put it simply, American Idol Fodder.

American Idol Boys
Who Sucked The Most?

If you are to believe most reviews of last night, they all did. Nobody stood out, and I think the judges were being kind when they said four belonged in the top twelve. Well, either that or they didn't want us to know that this season is already turning into one big Idol Disaster.

Also, with a margin of error of almost 2 per cent, if you are to believe DIAL IDOL, any one of these clowns could be going home, another indicator that most viewers don't care about a card game when you stack the deck with nothing but jokers. That is of course, unless you're a thirteen year old undiscerning junior high school student being hit with a mass of newly discovered hormones.

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz……………zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………………..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….
oh….ummm…….okay……………sorry about that. I must have dozed off.

Can you blame me though? How many of you out there had the same problem tonight? Or maybe some of you actually do believe that one of your Idol buddies rocked the house and knocked it out of the park making you tingle all over. If you do, please leave a comment and tell me which one of these wannabes it was that had the all important wow factor the judges keep talking about and is well on his way to stardom at this very moment. Inquiring Idol viewers would really like to know. So where do I begin? As the song says, I guess we should start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. When you red you begin with a – b – c. When you sing you begin with the nearest beat boxer which in this case is Blake Lewis, although I do wish it was Julie Andrews.

Blake’s big secret is that he’s a character actor, does impersonations, and loves Halloween so that he can go out to maim and kill the citizens of Hadleyville. Then he starts doing his thang. You know, that thang he does. Not only does Blake do his beat boxing thang, he does that thang in a reggae song. Or maybe not. It’s hard to tell since obviously the song, “All Mixed Up” is so obscure that even the judges give the whole thing a blank stare as if to say, “What the hell is that.” Blake struts around the stage like a bandy rooster trying to get the audience out of their seats to join in which is appropriate as Blake’s hair style is straight out of the Foghorn Leghorn beauty salon. Randy confirms that just like me he has no clue what the song is by first calling it hip hop, then reggae, then saying he doesn’t know what it was but he loved it. I love it when a judge is consistent. Paula joins me and Randy in the I didn’t know the freakin’ song camp but says it was really cool and Randy says, “yeah man!” Simon joins Randy, Paula and I in our big tent, but then I sneak out the back to puke when Simon starts singing Blake’s praises. Unlike Blake’s song however, I’ve heard the judges tune before which is actually titled, “We’re going to pimp you to the next round because we ain’t got nothin’ else.”

Oh bloody hell! Sanjaya tells us his big secret is that he can Hula. It’s not enough to just tell us he can do it he launches into the Idol version of show and tell. Really, do we need to know this? Do we care? But then Sandwich starts to sing and I start yelling, “Go back to the hula! Go back to the hula” at the TV. Dang I wish they had kept his sister because I got a feeling she just had to be better than this. Heck, I would be better than this and I’m pretty awful. I wonder if Shyamali’s secret would have been that she can sing naked holding a guitar. I’d certainly watch that trip down the memory lane of Idol Secrets. As for her brother, Sandwich, he is waiting and waiting for the world to change while the rest of us are waiting and waiting for him to go home. The whole thing is a frightening mess, the judges give Sandwich the big thumbs down, and since Vote for the Worst kept Sundancing on My Head as their pick, Sandwich may be making sandwiches at the Dairy Queen in about a week.


If Sandwich was frightening, then Sundancing on my head is terrifying. As if his Tut beard wasn’t goofy enough, he tops it off this week a hair style last seen on the Munchkins in the Wizard of Oz. So now he looks like a big boulder with moss growing on it that is ready to be entombed into the pyramids for all time. Sundancing on my head says he was once thin. Well, weren’t we all at one time or another? So far, I can’t decide which is boring me the most, the singing or the big Idol revelations. Sundancing tries another song that he can shout his way through as he did last week, a little ditty called JEREMY! DO YOU GET THE IDEA?

At any rate, the judges are on the border on this one, Randy saying pitchy and bitchy, Paula says A-ok, and Simon says generic bar singing. Well I’ve never seen anyone singing in a bar that looked like Sundancing but I’m ready to give him the starring role in my new horror movie, thus pushing Sandwich into a supporting role.


Hey, there’s Travis Tritt in the audience! Wow! This gives me a great opportunity to invite you over to my other blog and watch Laurie’s Video which features the Travis Tritt song, “Tell me I was dreaming”. You’ll find it on the right hand side where it says Laurie’s Video.

“Tell me Travis, how do you feel about having worked on Laurie’s video?”

“It was a wonderful experience, Clyde. I’ll cherish it forever.”

Thanks for coming Travis, even if this little plug did cost me a cool $150 grand.
Now back to our show.

Chris Richardson’s big evil secret is that he lost weight. Okay, Chris, obviously Sundancing has found some of it, and Lakisha may have the rest. All you need to know about Chris Tremblorlake is that he hits a really sour note at the beginning of his lullaby, “I Don’t Want to be”. Even my gal friend, Tess Trueheart, looks over and says, “What the hell was that?” Then the judges don’t even mention it and we begin to think it was our imagination. Then I played it back and, shore enough, it was there, we did hear it, and don’t you ever doubt my word on it. Randy says he’s got the runs, Paula tells him he was adopted, Simon says it was cutesy and his voice was lazy. Oh, that’s what that bad note was.

Jared the Klingon says his big secret is he played Division II College Basketball. I can almost hear the sound of all the tabloid reporters hammering on his door and all the flash of the paparazzi cameras going off as they hope to get the exclusive scoop. While they get the scoop, we get Jared’s singing which is poop. Taking a page from the Elliott Yamin handbook Jared sings If You Really Love Me. Okay, guys. Let me explain it to you. Elliott could sing circles around your baby britches. And not only that, he’s still fresh in our memory. So all you’re going to get for going down memory lane with Elliott Yamin is a one way ticket to Obscurityville Row. Randy tells Jared to go smoke a joint with Stevie, Paula tells him to buy a coloring book, and Simon says it was not World of Warcraft. Or was it the Wow factor he was talking about. Okay, by this point I’m a bit delirious. But I certainly see another Idol remix in my future.

Brandon Rogers…..zzzzzzzz……zzzzzzzzzzz….oh…..okay…..Brandon is a classical piano player. He says we would be really surprised to find that out. Why, I’m so surprised I may just fart Beethoven’s Fifth out of my backside and top it off with the Unfinished Symphony. Brandon sings something about the fact that he wants to celebrate having made it this far and that he’s hoping to celebrate to go further if you will just vote like hell for him. Randy says his runs made him messy, Paula says something about wanting to do Brandon on the stage, and Simon says that before Paula does Brandon on the stage, Brandon should get some advice from the other girls first. Brandon replies that all he wants to do is crap.

Phil Stagy’s big surprise is that he hasn’t always been bald. Oh my! The Shock! The Horror! The Humanity! We never would have figured that out! We thought that maybe his mother kept a condom on his head as he was growing up to keep his hair from growing. One thing is for certain, between the bald head, the hat that looks like it was stolen off of a dead fisherman lying on the banks of Lake Eerie, and his bulging fish eyes, Phil Stagy is ready to stand front and center in the next George Romero Walking Dead movie. Worst and I mean very worst, he does LeAnn Rime’s “I Need You”. Is he kidding or what? First off, there aren’t probably too many gals who can touch LeAnn on that tune, let alone some freakish looking corpse in a fishing hat. Okay, I can hear a few of you now telling me it’s not nice to make fun of somebody’s looks and why would I do something like that. The answer is simple. Do I hear an answer? Anybody? Guess not. There’s a heck of a difference between contestants who can’t help the way they look and contestants who cultivate a crappy persona as if it were a new generation of rose petals. Now do you get it? Good.

Randy says “Did you know I used to be in a band called journey?” Paula agrees that yes, Randy once was in a band called Journey and Phil should work on his lower extremities. Simon says that Phil’s looks scared the heck out of him too, then let’s us know that he’s not getting any at all. I’m watching the audience closely, hoping they aren’t laughing and pointing and screaming, “They’re all going to laugh at you! They’re all going to laugh at you.” I expect stage lights to start exploding any second.

Chris Sligh’s big secret is that he once had short hair. No! Really! We thought all the students at Bob Jones University were allowed to wear their hair like that. Chris sings that he just wants to be loved. Randy says that the rest of the guys all went out with Stella, Paula want’s to see Chris get a rise and do some stretching exercises, Simon says he has real potential to go backwards. And that’s our show for tonight.

Just a few notes. This year is a perfect example of why the 6 – 6 sucks and why they never should have gone to it two years ago. All of the judges said that there weren’t but four guys at the most who even deserved to be in the final twelve, so they as much as said that their own format is a sham. But since we are stuck with at least six of these losers, it looks like some deserving gals are going to be hitting the road, including a few that already have and were better than most of the clownish performances we saw tonight. Honestly, it’s going to be a cruel cruel spring in Idol World. Catch you tomorrow.