Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Carnival to spend up to $900 million to clean up it’s poop decks, Royal Caribbean: We’re sorry. But your daughter took a dive in the ocean, so you’re confined to your especially selected room. Enjoy the rest of your trip.

What is the attraction people have regarding cruises anyway?  I have given consideration to going on one at some point in my life but it just doesn’t appeal to me.  I think some of these people who ship out have watched too many episodes of The Love Boat when they were younger.  Some of the Carnival Cruise ships can hold over 3000 people.  Why would you want to be stuck out on the ocean with that many sweaty, smelly, possibly diseased humans in a floating cracker jack box where there’s no way to escape?  And if the motor conks out, you’re pretty well stuck eating cans of sardines and crapping them back out in a Hefty Cinch Sack.  Now multiply doing that by several thousand and you have a pretty lousy stinking cruise.  Pun intended.

And hell, even if none of that happens, you never know when some drunk jack ass is going to attack you or push you overboard so that you can swim with the fishes or become shark bait

I have a lot of relatives that have gone on these cruises.  And they return to tell us how absolutely wonderful the trip was, except on those occasions when it wasn’t so hot.  These would be the times they’ve been injured, or spent the whole trip getting sick and losing their lunch in the no bigger than an outhouse bathroom of their cabin for the entire journey.  But still, they swear by them and will defend the cruise ship lines to their death.  Let’s hope it never comes to that.

My relations may have felt otherwise if they had been on one of the
infamous recent poop cruises.  But Carnival has seen the error of its ways as if they had been struck by a holy vision of Captain Merrill Stubing or Blessed Mother Virginal Cruise Director Julie McCoy showing them the error of their ways. Okay, it probably had more to do with dwindling sales, high cancellations, and stock shares taking a pretty big tumble. 

From The Consumerist:

Carnival announced today that it has plans in the works involving $300 million in improvements to its entire fleet.

The money will be sunk into upgrading safety and creating redundant power systems, according to a press release on Carnival’s site (via Good Morning America), ostensibly so that if one engine fails the entire ship won’t be thrown into a state of septic emergency due to overflowing toilets.

Included in today’s improvements is a system-wide increase in emergency generator power across Carnival’s fleet of 24 ships and additional investments in the newest and most technically advanced fire prevention, detection and suppression systems………

In addition, Carnival is going to spend somewhere upward of another $600 million to improve its ships overall and make sure the sewagepalooza that struck the Carnival Triumph in February doesn’t happen on future trips.

Carnival is the world’s largest operator of cruise ships, with brands like the Princess (which had its own Poop Cruise event recently) and Cunard in its family, as well as the ill-fated Costa Concordia.

Meanwhile in Miami, a woman has filed a lawsuit against the Royal Caribbean Cruise lines because she claims she was confined to her cabin after her daughter fell overboard.  Maybe they thought she would try to jump into the ocean to look for her.  Nah, they could have had somebody accompany her especially since they had the personnel to guard any escape attempt from the room she was locked in.  It’s a wonder they didn’t handcuff her to a steam pipe

Here’s the story from Courthouse News:

Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines kept a woman under guard in her room for days after her daughter fell overboard and died, and wouldn't even let her go to the chapel to pray, the mother claims in court.    Vera Marion claims the cruise line didn't even bother to turn the ship around to look for her 21-year-old daughter until 2 hours after she fell overboard……

…..The crew of the Allure of the Seas did not notify the U.S. Coast Guard that a person had gone overboard until approximately 11:30 EST, approximately two hours after the crew first received report of the incident.   Following the person-overboard announcement, the crew denied Vera Marion access to her room, her belongings, or contact with her fellow work associates. She was moved by crew members to a cabin without a balcony and guarded there by crew members stationed outside her door and inside of her cabin.  She repeatedly pleaded with crew members to leave her alone, but they refused. This situation persisted for days.  For the remainder of the cruise, crew members did not permit Vera Marion to leave the cabin or travel anywhere about the ship without the presence of security.  They did not permit her to receive guests or messages that her associates had apparently left her or to contact them.  They did not even allow her to go to the chapel on board the ship to pray for her daughter's well-being,  The crew forced her to leave her cabin door unlocked, and "as a result, male crew members walked in on Vera Marion unannounced while she was undressed, on several occasions.   Marion, who also has two sons, says that despite her pleas,  Royal Caribbean made public that a twenty-one year-old woman from Bartlett, Tennessee went overboard.  Vera Marion's boys learned of this news from home and attempted unsuccessfully to contact their mother to ask if it was A'riel who went overboard.  A'riel's body has never been recovered.   The mother seeks compensatory and punitive damages for wrongful death, false imprisonment and negligent infliction of emotional distress.

I don't know about you but I think I'd rather have taken my chances on the Titanic or the Lusitania than sailing the ocean blue on these tugboats. I don't know, maybe someone thought A'riel was The Real Ariel and gave her a shove.  At any rate, the only poop cruise I want to be a part of is when I flush my commode and launch my business to cruise down through the city sewer lines.  But if you insist on going on one of these jaunts, be sure to pack a plunger, take extra Charmin, and don’t go within 100 feet of the railing.

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